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A fine state of affairs, part 12 by Marieke Vink


Lyrics: “Hello Mr. Heartache” by The Dixie Chicks

------------------------------ Kerry stood nailed to the floor, her arms around Kim. Their tongues engaged in a dance, moving together in a perfect rhythm. Soft moans from Kim’s throat as Kerry slid her hands underneath Kim’s shirt. Her fingers setting the skin on fire, re-acquainting themselves with a shape that used to be familiar.

“Kerry..........”

Kerry pulled herself away from Kim’s lips as she tried to regain composure. What was she doing? The kiss had triggered a response in her body and for a brief moment, she had given in to it. It had been so long since she last felt the warmth of someone’s arms around her. She bowed her head and moved away from Kim. It wasn’t more than an inch, but the significance of it wasn’t lost on Kim.

Kim’s face the expression on Kim’s face was one of resignation.

“Kim, I can’t do this. I am sorry.”

Then she buried her head in Kim’s shoulder and suddenly they both started crying. The passion was gone from their embrace, now they were two people holding on for dear life.

“No............Kerry...sweetie........I am so sorry........I shouldn’t have done that........”

Kim stroked Kerry’s hair as tears streamed down her face. They stood there for what seemed an eternity to them both.

When the tears subsided they let go of each other. Kim couldn’t look at Kerry so she reached around the redhead and grabbed her brandy from the table. She wandered in to the lounge without saying a word. Kerry was still standing at the table, trying to understand what had just happened.

“Kim.......we need to talk about this. You know I can not be your lover. We tried and it didn’t work out. I can not do that again. I will not do that again.”

Kim stood in front of the window, looking out. She was still not able to turn around and look at Kerry as the words came crashing in to her heart.

“I love you Kim, I will always love you. And if you would ask me now to come with you and start all over again, I probably would. But you know neither of us is strong enough to deal with the dynamics of this. We suck each other dry. It makes neither of us happy. God knows we have tried in every way we could think of. I want to move on. And I have. You have a separate place in my heart that is all yours. But I need to keep it separate from the rest of my life. If I don’t, I just can not go on living. “

Kerry’s heart almost broke when she saw Kim’s shoulders shake from the quiet sobs. She struggled to contain her own tears. Damn, why was this so hard? Why did Kim still have such an incredible sexual power over her? Sex was never the problem. The attraction was enormous and it was obviously still there. But it was also obliterating everything else.

Kim finally turned around. The glass held firmly between her hands, her eyes avoiding Kerry’s.

“It’s over Ker. Now I know it is. When I kissed you just then, when we kissed just then, I felt the chance in you. What we had is over. I love you. And I know you love me. And you did kiss me but your heart wasn’t in it. You responded with your body, but I could feel you have already moved on to another place. You are so much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. I thought you would still be waiting for me. I never thought you would be ready to actually be with someone else. I was selfish enough to think you would jump at the first opportunity for us to get back together. Or even at the umpteenth chance. I never considered you might have moved on much faster than me. But you have.”

“Kim..........”

“Please let me finish. I want you to be happy. I want you to love someone and be loved and respected the way you deserve. I know we are not good for each other. But for some reason, I needed to feel that it was over. I needed to feel you refuse me. And if we can not be together, you better be with my best friend. At least that way I still get to hear all the juicy details.”

A small smile appeared on Kim’s face as she sheepishly looked at Kerry.

The tension between them subsiding a little, Kerry walked up to Kim and put her hand on her arm.

“Thank you......”

Kim’s eyebrows frowned into a puzzled look.

“.....for setting me free. I know this is hard. But I also know how important closure is. I don’t think I am far off when I think this is a close as you and I will ever get to closure.”

Kim nodded.

“I feel like a fool Kerry. It is true, I dream of you at night, I wonder how things might have been between us, I hate Abby for wanting you and I hate you for wanting her. But I know this is the way forward for both of us. So yes, you were right in the car. I want you and Abby to get together so that I can get closure on this. And I can already feel it setting in. Go for it Kerry. You deserve each other. You and I are fire and ice: the fire melts the ice and the water puts the fire out.”

“Kim.........do me a favor and just hold me for a while OK."

They held each other until the sound of the doorbell shook them up.

“Oh shit.........Abby.”

“It’s OK Kerry, I am OK. I will leave now. Enjoy your evening with her. And please do me a favour: don’t be so hard on yourself this time around. You DO deserve to be loved. Just let her in. I’ll call you later OK?”

The doorbell rang again and Kerry hurried to open the front door. Abby had obviously gone through some trouble to go home and change after all. She looked stunning and Kerry was taken aback. A small smile danced around Kim’s face at seeing Kerry’s reaction to the beautiful nurse at her doorstep.

Abby glanced past Kerry and saw Kim putting on her coat. As she left the house, she winked at Abby and whispered:

“Go for it Shorty. She’s all yours.”

Kim walked down the steps of Kerry’s apartment. When she reached her car, she turned around to see Kerry let Abby in to the house. She waited for Kerry to close the door before she opened her car door, sat down, put her face in her hands and started crying. As she turned the key in the ignition, the radio shot in to action.

“Hello Mr. Heartache
I’ve been expecting you
Come in and wear your welcome out
The way you always do
You never say if you’re here to stay
Or only passin’ through
So hello Mr. Heartache
I’ve been expecting you”

A fine state of affairs, part 13